The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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