best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
