i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
