I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
