You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
lets start a swedish sibling band together
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
