After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
