thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
