just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize
