i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Dicks are not precious.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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