they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
