Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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