ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
