I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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