I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
