there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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