I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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