hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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