I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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