Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
