I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
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