Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
