I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
