Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
