The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
