please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
