The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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