Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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