I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
