You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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