lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
