Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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