Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
