So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Boobs speak an international language.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
