You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
