i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
