The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
