You can't special order awesome
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
The adults are the big ones right?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
