matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize