its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
