I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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