Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
