so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
