Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
