You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
