NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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