ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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