Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
