i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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