Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
