She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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