all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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