This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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