We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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