Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
