Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
