One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize