my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
