I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
