You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
