Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
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Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
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Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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