do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize
