Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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