Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
