So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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