She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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