Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
