he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
