After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just gift wrapped bread.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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