How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
