I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
