My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
